"I just don't want you to get out into the world and have it change you. You're the only one of your sisters with a belief in God and I just don't want you to lose that," my Mum said. Once again, we started a nice dinner and started talking about politics. And when someone brings up a good point, the opposer has to bring one up to. People get offended, you act civil, but you start questioning things and get more and more confused. But somehow you come full circle, not being affected.

"Mom, I'm just learning and keeping my mind open, okay? It's so easy for us to look at all the other religions in the world and say 'That's silly, how can they beleive that?' But they're saying the same thing about us! Adam & Eve, you beleive that?"
"Why not?"
"What about Evolution? Neanderthals? The age of the earth."

There's just so much I don't know and so many people wanting me to beleive and change and stay the same & all I want to do is what is right, but it's so hard to figure it out. And of course, my mum had to bring up the abortion card. I really really don't know what to beleive. If I were ever pregnant, I would never consider an abortion. It's just something I can't comprehend. But you know what else I can't comprehend? Rape & incest & situations that are so gruesome the mear mention in fiction makes me want to cry. Who am I to decide for you what could be the biggest event of your life? My sister is grad school for psychololgy. She worked in a center for troubled kids who had parents who'd beat them or do drugs or say things & do things she couldn't talk about. And after reading the Cider House Rules, everything just gets more & more blurry in terms of right & wrong.

"Everyone is so sure that they're right & they try to convince you, but I just want to figure it out myself & not just swallow what everyone else says."
Is that so wrong? I still have faith & optimism, but all I'm looking for is what feels right to me, what makes sense to me, and what i think will benefit everyone else in the long run.

I can't wait till the election is over.