How it happened

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 17:51:09 GMT

lately I've been thinking and thinking and thinking about things, but not doing anything much at all. Maybe it's the weather...or maybe the weather is just my catch all excuse, but honestly, grey weather makes me feel entirely different.
I've been going home a lot, and it's so nice to be there. As much as I love my friends and the fun stuff we do when we are all together, there are times when they are out smoking and I'm alone in my tiny room wondering what I'm doing here, and if I'm really meant to be here. I don't like thinking like that, but I do. And I think about my bank account draining, and how I wish I got more sleep and could find a place and way to run like I used to. It seems like I'm never completely satisfied with myself, but I still manage to find myself wishing to be more like the person I used to be.
I hope this doesn't make me sound like I'm sad, because honestly, I'm not. It's more that I'm just contemplating & wanting to do things & take pictures all of the time. I don't know.

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 05:24:14 GMT

i'm feeling really conspicuous somehow, lately. Like a spy in an unconvincing disquise. When I feel people look or stare at me, I just want to shrink into myself. I guess it's just self consciousness, I'm sure, but feeling displaced makes me feel like I need to be looking for something, like there's an appointment I have but forgot about. I took my anti-anxiety pills and melatonin, so this won't make sense tommorow, but maybe I need to get this out so I can sleep better. I just hope this feeling fades, soon.

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 06:49:22 GMT

Today is my birthday. I saw The Time Travelers Wife, which I knew would be very chick-flicky, but was still sweet nonetheless. I mostly just went for the movie experience. I love hearing people say things during the movie, seeing couples be cute to one another, nibbling popcorn. My friend & I simultaneously whipped out our candy & cheap sodas when previews started, seeing what movies look promising. Afterwards we went to Wal-mart, because at midnight, it's the only place open, so I picked out a bottle of champagne & chedder cheese and checked out in the 21st eisle. One the way home, my friend & I talked and talked, but managed to see a shooting star at the exact same time and point at it, because it was honestly the most perfect shooting star I've ever seen. I listened to a mixed cd my friend made that I won during a poker game (we play with stuff, not $...we love Benny & Joon), and I just have this feeling, maybe too optimistic or something, but I feel like these are good signs, & maybe it's the alcohol, but I am content & I want to remember this. =]

August

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 22:27:20 GMT

I think this time of the year is the worst. I don't know if I've ever had a good August, even though it's my birthday month. It's always been hard, just changes and heat. It makes me want to hibernate or run back to familiar things or stop time if not hurry it up or rewind. I know it takes time, that I just need to take and deal with the changes and make myself comfortable so I can adjust.
I don't know if I'll ever understand how resilience works, how people just move away, don't get homesick or worry about things that make me feel like my brain is a beehive, all buzzing thoughts and little room for peace.
Sorry that the only time I seem to post things is to whine. but I guess that's what livejournals are for, right?

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 18:43:55 GMT

Everybody's got somebody these days.

I want a lover with a houseboat. =)

Writer's Block: It Sounds Better When You Say It

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 21:55:52 GMT

No matter what language you speak, you've probably come across words or phrases in another language that sound better than their equivalents in your native tongue. What's your favorite word or phrase in a foreign language?

View 507 Answers

Die Toten Hose. When I was in Germany last summer my friends and I were watching German music videos & there was die Toten Hose on tv. Yes, the dead pants. Best band name ever.

And pretty much anything in French sounds beautiful. =)

Mon, 04 May 2009 21:46:23 GMT

I love spring. It's always the last week of April when everything just explodes into color all of a sudden. You could be gone or huddled inside one day, & come out the next & see that everything has gotten so so green almost overnight.

I went to my grandpa's house the other day. He's in the hospital now, recovering from a hip replacement. I wish I could explain how awesome he is--he's like a saint. He's really homesick for his kitty, though, I thought I'd take some photos of him & give them as a gift. I took some pictures of things around the house that just reminded me of my grandparents. They're little things, but they make me think of being there when I was little.

Spooky is not ashamed to drink of out the loo.

BED HEAD KITTY!!!

I'm so lame. I'm really scared about taking my camera out of the house, so I've been taking cat portraits. But she's so cute... =3
Most days I hate my curly hair, but some days I don't mind. =)

can't come soon enough

Sat, 02 May 2009 17:28:03 GMT

I'm so achey for summer. Plans have already been made in my head- I will tons of photographs, photographs of friends with green dappled bokeh light behind them. Pictures of picnics & fireworks & swimming in innertubes & catching fireflies. I'll go to the movies and not worry about how many calories are in all of that butter. Maybe it'll be like last year, going on a movie date, tickling the boy's palm beside me & getting my fingertips kissed.
And I'll write things, things I hopefullly won't be embarrassed with. I'll run faster & further than I have been, &I'll get one of those kiddie pools & lay in the sunshine. I'll drink cheap wine & champagne with my friends until we're laughing at each other laughing at nothing. I'd like to get a little tent & fill it with blankets and just live in it for a while. I want to swim in big lakes and float right in the center of it. Sometimes, when I'm really nervous & anxious, I just recall how it feels to backfloat--your limbs surrounded by water, your body floating, your ears thrumming with water...it's the most peaceful thing I can think of. It reminds me of the last lines in "The Piano,"..."it's a strange lullaby, but it is mine."

This last week has left me so exhausted, I just want to curl up with the shades drawn and sleepsleepsleep for a while. Not until finals, though.

Wow, this is entirely random, but I just drank a lot of coffee on an empty stomache & I feel strange. My hands are shakey & I keep twisting them.

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 02:31:37 GMT

I was seeing you like a child would,
like a sister, like a daughter
as we drove down nameless roads
because you know I never slept well,
unless I was lulled by motion and wind
my head was in your lap
with hair tickling your knees
and traced the veins of your arm
to calm my nerves that never settled
but I know one thing for sure that calms--
if and when all things fail,
there will be clues left for you everywhere
messages in the closets
letters under the mattress
secrets scrawled under wallpaper strips
and those that find it, and then you
will know all the things I never said
but felt when you invoked them

....yeah, I don't know about this.

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 22:55:47 GMT

On the way. I think this place is in Illinois.
Louisville buildings. tulips! @ The Art in the Garden exhibit. Lynn's Paradise cafe. AWESOME!

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 05:00:24 GMT

I was good for so long. Now I guess I'm just good at giving in.

This is exactly how it happened last year. I should keep track of these things, see if they coincide with lunar activity or something. Maybe I'll get some good sleep now, at least.

Around the House

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 19:45:20 GMT

I stayed home yesterday as opposed to going to work, because I've been so busy with school and work & friends, that I feel like my head is going to explode. It's like no matter what I'm doing, my time could/should be better occupied doing something else. But yesterday was very rainy & my boss took off because she was worried about the weather forcast & I did, too, because I didn't have a car.

I DID take a lot of photos, though, because I finally got the camera I've been wanting really badly!! I'm so afraid to take it out of the house, though. It's like my baby. My pastic, battery power baby. Anyway:

My room needs to be cleaned.But you know what, it's gonna wait.

here & now

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 05:13:34 GMT

It’s like when you close your eyes really tight, so tightly you start seeing this kaleidoscope colors you can’t know where they came from, but they’re yours & they are like your memories—they are there & not there, fading, constantly changing & rearranging itself into different patterns so when you remember things, it’s all just scraps and fragments, like looking at someone through a glass, darkly.
There is a lot/little going on right now & every memory I have is relived fervently in my mind. I am back 17 again, getting home late, my mouth sore from kissing & my shirt on inside out. I am in Neushwanstein, during my last summer as a teenager, staring at this mural of wilderness & wood nymphs & knowing that this is where a king lived & I am breathless. I am in Italy, gazing up at the Rialto with my feet in the water & pigeons leaving feathers everywhere & a brand new necklace of blown glass on my neck “just like your eyes,” and everything I hear is a song of talking in a language I don’t understand.
I want to be there, & I want to be somewhere worthy of another memory like those.

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 04:09:35 GMT

Lately I've been soooo tired...but then night comes & I lie in bed & suddendly I have all of these great plans, like how I should fix up the treehouse & paint the interior, or how I should sell all of my unwanted books right away(!), right this second so I can go to Hastings & I can earn a little bit more money. Or I'll be at work in a complete daze, scanning books to send off (& sneaking in little messages inbetween the pages =) and I just have to start writing, because if I don't, these words will leave me & I'll wonder what I meant to write down but never did. And lately I feel like I have this idea for story, but it's just bits & pieces submerging every now & then. And then I think about myself two years ago, how I was then. Just the same person, but far more hopeful & yeah, worrying a bit, but I was on the verge of something more than just starving and going off to college. I can't explain it, but I'm hoping that where I am now is where I'm meant to be. I'm always worrying about that, and hoping that with everyday I'm doing the right things.

Blah. I'm not making much sense, but really, what I'm trying to say that half of the time I feel like I'm not enough, not enough, not enough. And then the other half of the time I'm trying to fix myself & make myself better. I just need sleep, badly, and springtime even more.

At least tommorow is the end of the end of the week =). That means scrambled egg night at the Braun/Cheek house! I had so much fun last week...we made eggs & sang songs & played hide & seek in the dark with flashlights & had a shadowpuppet show & eat icing out of jars while telling secrets & taking polaroids. It was just a nice way to unwind. & I'm getting really exited at the idea of next year, living in this house with all of these old friends (& Sydney & hopefully Alex & Cass visiting alot). For some reason I feel like it's almost too picturesqe & I'm hoping that it'll happen. I don't think I'll get homesick with them, or if I do, they know that I'm panicy like that sometimes, so it'll be alright.

I've rambled SO MUCH! Oh well. I'm gonna study for Phonetics & sleep. =)
Hope everyone is doing really really well!!!

Sun, 01 Mar 2009 04:15:45 GMT

I've been quite lazy these days, I suppose that winter is dragging on & I am, too. Things aren't bad, though... =) I don't really have much to say, I really just wanted to make a post to let those of my friends on here know that I'm sorry if I've been a bit of bum when it comes to commenting on entries. Usually I'm just checking them before running off to class, but I hope that everyone is doing great, I really do!

So...I got a typewriter the other day & I'm so elated about this. :)

Sat, 07 Feb 2009 21:01:48 GMT

Today I am in one of those wild moods, where I want to learn everything I can--just soak up science and history & have all of these easily forgotten facts forever in my memory. It makes me want to get on a plane & go to Egypt, climb pyramids & have a dark skinned man with milkcoffee voice explain heirogliphics to me and tell me about the Egyptians kings with kohl lined eyes and their organs preserved in jars.
I'm in my pajamas, putting off a run & watching "The Universe" on the History channel, & it makes me feel very small & expectant & a little scared, but mostly just intruiged. I got my microbiology book in the mail & it makes me feel the exact opposite, just this huge vessel full of tiny moving things inside me, and it makes me feel huge & alive.
Do you ever have those days? when just beign awake, eyes open makes you see EVERYTHING? I had a couple of cups of coffee & my hands are shaking so bad, but it's not unpleasent.
Everyday should be like this, really.

Yeah, again.

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 06:37:14 GMT

Honestly, as emotional as I am, I don't cry very much. I'll cry when I'm throwing up, because of the lacrimnal gland producing all of this saline. For some reason, it's a great release, odd as it is. But today, as somewhat non-exiting as it was, I cried (quietly, not bawling) more than once.

This is me, whining about nothing, making everything the acopolypse when everything is really all roses. But that's how anxiety is. It takes hold of you one day, and suddenly all of these routine tasks are scary, you wonder how you managed it all so easily before, and more amazing than that "how can everyone just live, so easily?!" Writing this makes me sound crazy, but I feel like on here, I do'nt have to feel as contained, and noticing that maybe I'm having more trouble than I'd like to admit, I made an appointment to see Linda (my counseler) again. I told her that I felt strange, that change is hard for me, and being back on campus makes me wonder if I'm missing anything. Like hearing Ellen talking about watching movies at night & staying up laughing & getting slap happy makes me think maybe I"m missing out. But I can't describe how scary it feels to think about moving in. So I asked her "Maybe it's just me, living in the dorms just isn't for me, but I wonder if I'm missing out although I've kept in touch with the friends I made my first semester." And she said "Well, you kind of unintentionally shot yourself in the foot when you moved out after the first semester. When my youngest daughter moved away to college, I told her she wasn't allowed to come home for 6 weeks. I knew from seeing the homesick kids here that it would be good for her, and she was mad at me at first, but she knew that it was for the best by the end of the year."

She said a lot of things I didn't want to/was hoping not to hear. Maybe I just keep wanting to be babied, to have people tell me, "It's okay, it's alright, stay comfortable." Like my mom does. I can't help but love the fact that my mom loves having me home. If I never moved out, my parents would be fine-fine with that. I can't imagine them ever getting tired of me, wanting me to leave. Today, when mom asked me "What's this I hear about you wanting to move out?" She'd already gotten together a list of reason why I should reconsider. I barely even mentioned it to dad last night when Aubs was over & we were talking about living in the house next year with the B's & C's. I think maybe that could be my happy medium, a little step. My friends & I talked about all night, all of the great stuff we'd do if we were roomates- midnight movies, & 21st birthday parties & dogs running around in the backyard, a little library downstairs, awesome thrify furniture, making each other paint, motivating each other to do things. & I've known them for so long, it'd just be nice to have them there, they're almost like an extension of a family. And maybe I could get that in the dorms, & I loved the friendships that I made, but these friends have lasted, they feel more permanent. I can't explain this & my reasoning is tinted & obscured, but I guess it's best I ramble so I can get some sleep.

I love that my mom & I are best friends, that after a long day I know she'll give me a hug if I need one & make me a vegan BLT & drink coffee with kitties on our laps. This house in the woods & the people I've grown up here with are all I really know.

I just don't understand how people function the way that they do. I even look back to when I was first moving in the dorms, just meeting my roommate (who is awesome), making friends easily while fighting off the weight of missing something you could have, pretending everything was alright & getting by those first few months without a hitch. But how did everyone else do it? Kelly next door, hours & hours away from home saying "I don't miss it. I'm glad to be gone." How do people function so independently? Get by without knowing a soul & uproot? I'm so jealous of these creatures, these everyday girls I'm around.

I digress.

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 05:18:40 GMT

Today's almost over, & I'm pretty releived...it was a long day. Not bad, or good, just long & different from what I'm used to.
I don't handle change well. A soon as something changes, I instantly regard it as bad, something I could do without. Suddenly I'm considering all other options, weighing every descion I made in the past. "Did I choose right?" "Should I have..?"
I know that in a few weeks, I'll be alright, that it just takes a little time to adjust. It's just the transitory times that make me feel uneasy & anxious. But Robyn sent me an email, & in it was a quote from a forum she'd been reading "Deal & Adjust."
Words for me to live by!

While I was pulling books today at work, I started thinking that putting off changing my major is not a good thing to put off. (no...really?) So after I came home, I talked to my mum, got my job related almanac (from 2001, mind you) and the student bullitein & tried looking for a major that would be useful if I decided to get my masters in Occupational Therapy, but a major I could still utilize if I decided I wanted to be done after 4 years. And after a lot of reading & going over curriculums & drinking coffee, I've decided...

Ahem. Communication Disorders. http://www.worldwidelearn.com/online-education-guide/health-medical/communication-disorders-major.htm I just wish I would have decided on this as soon as I realized I passed out sometimes when I saw blood.

I was considering a biology major, but unless you get your masters in something else, there isn't a whole lot to do. I went to ask.com to see what kind of jobs you could find with just a BA in biology & I thought this was funny...

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_kind_of_job_can_you_get_with_a_biology_degree

How helpful.

Today

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 08:54:16 GMT

First, thanks to those that left comments on my last entry...I really reallly appreciate it. I think this season has taken it's toll on me, and its kind of an odd time right now--I'm living with my parents, whom I adore, in the middle of nowhere about an hour from the university I attend, & all of my friends that have been home for the holidays are going back to their schools. So I've just been lonely & with all of this free time I've just been thinking a lot. I suppose I just got overwhelmed, and here is the only real place I CAN be honest. One thing I'm going to try to do is be more honest with how I feel & let the people I love know what I'm going through. I think that will prevent me from having to feel so secluded. But anyway, THANK YOU again for your wonderful comments & advice. I just I could give you all a hug, I really do. =D

Today was pretty exiting, actually. After a run & shower I found that I had two missed messages on my cell, & not being much of a phone talker, I was glad to see that some friends were trying to get a hold of me. So after playing phone tag for quite a while, I finally got a hold of the friend who's calls I'd been missing & she asked me if I wanted to hang out with her tonight- they were going to meet some of her friends, who I met recently & adore, up in STL & go to a hookah bar. I'm thinking, it'll be late, it'll be different, but I am so ready to get out of the house. So I said sure.
"Really?! Awesome, see you in a bit."

So I took an anti-anxiety pill, just in case (I'm really not as socially inept as I make it sound, I've just been feeling jittery). And took off, blasting Counting Crows & driving on the highway & looking at stars. It felt really good to just be going somewhere new.
It was so great seeing old friends again & making new ones, just talking & laughing and inhaling pomegranite smoke in a dimly lit bar with crazy music in the background. We talked & talked, and later stopped by my sister's apartment, a miracle considering I only knew the name of the street she lived on & the fact that there was a TMNT poster (her boyfriends) on their door. So I tossed some pebbles at her window, much to the humor of my friends, & eventually settled to leave a note in her mailbox.
Then we took off to my friend's dorm & it was SO NICE! I know that my school doesn't have dorms that are too awful, really some are very nice, but I never realized how much a hefty tuition manifests itself. Being back in the dorms made me feel kind of nostalgic. I know that there are things I really miss about the dorms, & maybe being in a really nice one made me miss it even more, but suddenly I thought " I could do this. Again." And the thought wasn't terrifying.

So we hung out for a while, and then fought off sleep while talking all the way back home & we remembered all kinds of great things from high school that we did, like having a "coloring commity" and stealing an orange traffic cone, and making a zine.
So even if it's just today, I. am. grateful. =)

These Days...

Sat, 10 Jan 2009 05:22:45 GMT

Things are pretty quiet these days, but I can't say I'm not content. This week was my week back to work, & I still have 10 days till my classes start. Work is just the same--that's the best thing about libraries, I think. There will always be books to pull, bands to fill out, coffee to make & articles to scan. Sometimes it's a little dull, but I get to listen to Pandora radio & the work can almost be a zen-like experience. And as odd as it sounds, it's intriging-I get a book to pull that goes with a name and a school. I know nothing else about this person, but already I feel like I have an idea of who they are, and I love that. And I'm always coming across the same names, these people who don't know I exist, and who I could never place, but I get these little clues.

I also slipped a little happy note in a book--it was a book about eating disorders going to an institue of pyschology. I don't know why I picked that one to slip the note in...maybe just because I figured it was one of two people- someone wanting to help someone suffering from eating disorders or someone who suffers themselves. Either way, I just tucked inbetween the pages without thinking. I hope someone finds it & that it makes them happy =)

I'm really going to miss Miranda when she leaves...when she's back from school it's just like old times, hanging out & dancing while we're driving out & singing to lyrics from the radio stations on too loud. For the past couple of years we decided that instead of getting each other Christmas presents, we'd just eat out & see a movie or go shopping. This is a treat for us, because usually we just go to each others houses & lie around talking (& we're poor college kids). She leaves the day after tommorow & I'll have to keep myself busy, so I don't get sad thinking about it. I don't know how all of my friends do it--just pack up, move away & have these completely different lives from the ones they left behind. I'll have to do that one day, too, I know, but I just don't think I can do that now. One of my friends is moving in with his brother (another friend of mine) and they want me to move in with them. As fun as it sounds sometimes, it kind of terrifies me, too. One day, I'll get over this, I'll have my own little life outside of this home of mine, & I'll be okay.
But that day is not today & that's fine with me.

Happy Booklets!

Tue, 06 Jan 2009 02:15:20 GMT

One of my goals in the 101mission was to write nice little messages or inspirational quotes & leave them tucked in places for other people to find. Well, seeing as today I've been cooped up inside, this afternoon was spent making little booklets! I'm kinda happy with the way they turned out:

Inside I have some Dr. Seuss quotes, Anne Frank quotes, a couple of pictures clipped from magazines, and a little picture or Garfield and Odie. =) I might not be going to work tommorow due to the possibility of the weather being icey & junk, so I'll look around on Wednesday for nooks to leave them in. Any ideas?

Free Rice

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 21:35:41 GMT

In my attempt to expand my vocabulary, I stumbled on this really awesome website--www.freerice.com. Apparently for every word you correctly correlate with its meaning, they will donate 20 grains of rice. Isn't that NEAT?!?

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 03:31:08 GMT

So the holidays are over...but now that they're over, we can enjoy all of the lovely new things we've gotten. Here are some things I was particularly happy to get:

A new cd player! My old one passed away a couple of months ago, and I'd been listening to records for months, and as awesome as it is to listen to old jazz, Beatles, and Cars albums, I'm happy to have a cd player again. I also got the new Coldplay Album, Viva La Vida, which is really good (especially the song Strawberry Swing). Also, I painted the little yellow painting behind the cd player. =D I didn't come up with the saying, but I saw it on an Etsy painting & thought it was really cute. Plus, I see it everyday, so it's a way to put yourself in a good mood before your day really begins.

A mosquito net canopy! I've always thought these looked really cozy, so I finally got one for the low, low price of only 17.99 plus shipping & handling!

In reguards to my 101 list,
I've been pushing myself to run a little further on my treadmill and finally decided to weigh myself. I wasn't suprised by the #, so that was good. I was afraid that after avoiding it I'd gained a couple hundred pounds without noticing, but no. I did actually lose a pound, so that's good.
I've also been trying to reduce my intake of sugar & that's not as hard as I thought it would be. I can't bring myself to part with Teddy Grahms, though, & they aren't that bad for you, so I'll keep buying them.(I have the palate of a 5 year old).
My room is also sligthly less cluttered and I vaccumed it with my new little vaccum, & I must say it's looking quite spiffy.

Anyway, I'm really glad I'm thinking about it. I know it's only day 2, and by the time 1001 days pass I may have forgetten all about most of these things, but I really hope not...it's a list of things I've always kind of wanted to do, & if reading & writing them is as fun as accomplishing these things, I'll be a happy girl.

Happy 2nd day of the New Year, guys =)

101 Things to Be Done in 1001 Days.

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 21:01:54 GMT

I'm making this list based on the community in the LJ spotlight, and I'm going to follow along as the next 2.75 years go on (hopefully =) But I don't think I'm going to officially join (not now, at least) --I always feel sort of sorry for the little communities that are suddenly bombarded with tons of new members after being spotlighted.

As of right now, I'm 20 years old, and a sophomore in college. By the time approximately 2.75 years passes, I'll be nearing my 23rd birthday (or past it?! I don't know).
Anyway, this is my list of things I REALLY hope to accomplish:

Educational Goals:
1. Make the Dean's List at least two more times.
2. Re-learn ASL (american sign language).
3. Purchase a copy of Grey's Anatomy or maybe a wall chart for Anatomical reference.
4. Read at least 6 classic novels a year. (I'll take it easy the 3rd year & read 3) (0/15)
5. Read school text ahead of time (preferably all year, but realistically, let's say for 1 month).
6. Listen to and follow along with ALL the German tapes (one per month). (0/12)
7. Talk to potential grad schools about Occupational Therapy programs.
8. Expand vocabulary and give 100,000 grains of rice with www.freerice.com. (5200/100,000)
Also, get to level 40. =)
9. Graduate in 2011

Physical & Mental Health:
10. Run in 2 5ks. (0/2).
11. Run 4 miles straight. (2.25/4 miles)
12. Overcome hemaphobia.
13. See counseler
14. Get more sleep (go to bed at 11:00)
15. Drink 8 oz of water a day for a week.
16. Lose weight and maintain it. (4 lbs lost =)
17. Get no cavities & floss everyday. (Check up on 1/13/09...no cavities! They said nice things like "you have nice teeth!" but they also said they wanted to "keep an eye on" the distal of 2 & 13 and the blingityblong of something. I'm always curious when they throw around dental terminology to the assitstants..."THE WHATA?!"

Art, Craftiness & Hobbies:
18. Paint something 1x a month. (1/36)
19. Draw something at least 1x a month. (0/36)
20. Print, collate, and distribute at least two issues of "Onion Life." <---I made a zine =) & will be happy to mail a free copy to anyone interested! (assuming no more than 1 person will be). (0/2)
21. Make a documentary (no matter how pointless or sucky it may be).
22. Get a navigational system for car & learn to drive someone I've never been.
23. Make my own stationary/notes with doodles on them =)
24. Keep a book log.
25. Finish travel journal.
26. Complete another visual journal.
27. Sew a skirt
28. Obtain and learn how to use rollarblades.
29. Do 10 activities in the "How to Be an Explorer of the World" book. (0/10)
30. Make a tiny little scrapbook of things I love & things that make me happy.

Helping Out & Getting Out:
31. Donate to charity at least two times a year (1x to Samartian's Purse, 1x to another org). (0/2)
32. Help out with children's church 1x (0/1)
33. Try to make a phone call to a friend once a week. (I'm not really a big phone-talker, so this will be almost chanllenging). (2/?)
34. Help out around the house more often. *
35. Join an organization and always be a faithful attendee.
36. Do 50 random acts of kindness in one year. (0/50)
37. Do something sweet for each member of the family.
-1/6/2009- Bought my Mumsy some flowers when she was feeling a little under the weather.
38. Keep in touch with Jenny.

Money, Saving & Spending:
39. Save $ for another trip to Europe.
40. Buy a really fancy handbag.
41. Consistantly balance checkbook. (1/35 months)
42. Get a hammock.
43. Get a new cell phone.
44. Save $50 dollars a month. (0/36)
45. Put old home videos on DVD
46. Get a really great camera

Things I've just always meant to do, but never really did:
47. Try a new recipe 1x a month. (0/12)
48. Visit the camel in Jackson
49. Go skinny dipping.
50. Memorize a favorite poem or monolouge.
51. Get a friend to catch fireflies with during summertime.
52. Drink champagne from a swirly straw.
53. Make soap.
54. Attend a concert.
55. Go to indie coffeeshop for an open mic night.
56. Submit something for publication
57. Get a typewriter OR purple velvet chaise lounge.
58. Go to Elephant Rock.
59. Go to city museum.
60. Go to botanical garden
61. Go to butterfly house.
62. Visit Pat's grave.
63. Declutter and organize.
64. Go 3 days without tv & document. (0/3)
65. Get a professional massage.
66. Have a professional do a make-up application.
67. Make-out in a truely bizzare location
68. Have a Felicty marathon with April.
69. Be happy with where I am.
70. Get Ipod+Nike thing to work.
71. Send Henrike a mixed tape/cd.
72. Check & respond to email weekly. (2/? weeks)
73. Have a Midsummer's Night Dream party (or just a little get together if that's too overwhelming).
74. Get a labelmaker & label stuff.
75. Take a summer class.
76. Bake cookies for the girls at work for every upcoming holiday.
77. ~~Never get library fines! (I work there! This shouldn't happen!).~~ Oops. I'll keep trying.
78. Leave little uplifting notes & junk in usually places for people to find. (2/???)

79. Visit Mattie.
80. Make new friends.
81. Go to & enjoy a party.
82. Mail something to Sarah.
83. Clean up bookcases & donate books to Aub's mum's store.
84. See Cinderella ballet with Ellen
85. Consider options for where I want to live.
86. Donate old clothes.
87. Obtain & read "Mind over Mood" (1 chapter down & already highly reccomended).
88. Go sledding, preferablly with Sam or Miranda.
89. Reinstate candy fridays (something I did in high school--dress cute & give out candy to friends & whoever wants candy on fridays) for 3 weeks.
90. Get picture taken in a photobooth.
91. Do something truly altruistic.
92. Matte & frame my favorite photos from Europe (preferablly one from each country).
93. Go dancing (and try really hard not to worry about looking like an idiot).
94. Put all of my photos & old docs on flash drives & cd so I can delete them from the computer.
-1/2/2009
95. Have game night as often as possible.
96. See a meteor shower.
97. Buy a really lovely coat.
98. Post in LJ journal at least 2x a month. *
99. Stay in a hotel & jump on the bed.
100. Write down cute stories my mum (or grandparents) tell me about the olden days.
101. Update about this list, and make a new one. =)

Extras:
~Learn the entire Animaniacs song about the Presidents (and hopefully be able to remember all of the presidents in order).
~Find a four leaf clover.
~Expand knowledge of geography.
~Keep on smiling at strangers. =D
~Lay in the grass & watch the clouds go by. Take pictures of said clouds & note what they look like. This is particularly fun with friends
~Find a least 5 new bands I love
~Buy a shirt of a favorite artist.

Bold entries are in progress, italics mean that they've been done, and asterisks indicate the # of times I've done them.

Goodbye to 2008

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 05:09:22 GMT

At first, I kind of considered 2008 to be a big bag of fail. Not that it was a bad year by any means, but for the most part, it was so quiet. This time last year I was really happy to be moved back into my room at home instead of being the dorms, and I still am. I can't describe how it felt to be back home, to be putting all things into place, and knowing that when break ended, I wouldn't have to withstand that transition of going back to dorm life--the people everywhere, the constant busyness, having newly made friends around you, but no family.
And now, a year later, I think that I'm at the point where I know that I can be content staying here, but am also open to the idea of moving out. It's not as though I'm going to pack up and move out tommorow, but I'm getting more and more comfortable with the idea, not to mention more comfortable with the fact that yes, I have anxiety issues, yeah, they prevent me from living my life exactly the way I want to, but still, my life is not going to be hindered by this-I can what I want with this life of mine, now matter how little it is.

2008 wasn't all bad, not at all--I made the Dean's List, both semesters. I spent 10 days with my best friends in Europe, enjoying my last summer as a teenager and my first experience outside of the country. I dated someone, and though it ended, the experience made me realize that dating can be fun, that I am not damaged in any way that makes me incable of connecting with someone. I made new friends, & I kept in touch with old ones. It might not seem like a whole lot, but to me, it's been a good year.
A pretty good year. And all I can hope for is that the next will bring more and better times worth remembering. =)